REALITY BEHIND THE DEATH OF MR NEW YEAR RESOLUTION.

     Everybody knew Mr New Year Resolution, he was a very nice man, very kind to all of us, he was very huge with broad shoulders and huge promises, he was soo kind that we all wanted to write to him at the end of each year and watch him smile back at us. We loved him and knew he loved us too. 

    Unfortunately he died, sometime around 2012/2013, his death was so unheard of, unknown, nameless. See, we all didn't know when he died, how he died or even where (almost like Moses in the bible) we were devastated, but his death was a good thing for us, because then we got to really see who Mr New Year Resolution was, how mean he was.

    He was a man that filled us with the Ideology of a perfect year, we got to have the christian complex of ghen ghen... this is my year...we went into each year expecting no troubles, no challenges, expecting it to be different from its previous, smooth, easy. But it always almost wasn't, but at least we got to meet his sibling...Mr Unfulfilled New Year Resolution.

     His sibling was quite mean and we all knew it or so we thought. We are in doubt of his cruelty now because he taught us about the myth associated with his brother, the fantasy we created on our own.

      Maybe that is why his death is so nameless and unknown, because fantasies are, you can't enter into a new year really expecting every thing to go your way, there would be challenges, difficulties even, somethings you would not even see coming, there is no perfect year... BUT GREAT LESSONS IN THE IMPERFECT SITUATIONS. You have got to make the best out of them and there is no Mr New Year Resolution, just us with our goals expecting the challenges and moving ahead against all odds.

      With that let me tell the 50% that met Mr New Year Resolution brother, this few important-to-me-things to avoid in 2017...

    1. Don't be like me

Last week, I wanted to buy a carton of Indomie and because I bought it 1800 Naira the last time, I went to the market expecting it to be the same...SHOCKER! it was 2100 Naira everywhere (mo para ehn) .Point being don't set 2016 as a basis for 2017, go in expecting things to be different, new. Don't use 2016 business plan for 2017, you only get lessons from the past not live in them.

     2. Don't be like me  (part 2)

2016 really just felt like it passed by for 50% of us (really praying it is 50) and I figured a solution out for this one, you have get busy with something you love doing. In this century they are limitless...Photography and the rest.

 It is really almost like having a purpose special to you and you alone, hoping this is solution, it is mine tho, you have to figure out yours. So the year doesn't just go by and you remain where you are.

      

RUN AWAY FROM SOLA.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

8:32 AM

             I know her because she lives with me, she sleeps in the bed next to mine,  she's my roommate and

You should beware of her because she has a negative vibe.

She can pull you straight down from that high ladder  you are climbing, she can cut that tiny thread you survive on and she can kill that little fire starting to brew, right inside of you.

              She keeps saying…

Tolu you can't even dance, Tolu you can't even sing, Tolu you can't even take those pictures.

              Tolu would turn and be like…

''Sola, keep quiet and say something positive for once, quit talking about people's flaws alone''

''Am just joking'' would be here reply

             But NO! she wouldn’t stop, she just kept going on and on…

''In fact Tolu what can you do…''

              And after several and severe talking to and she didn’t stop, guess what Tolu did…

                     

And with that, she RAN

So if you have a Sola or lots of Solas in your life,

 my dear don’t wait for a single second. ''RUN''

THE WALKING DEAD…

Saturday, February 14, 2015

11:55 PM

Dead, long gone…

Buried in dug out graves..

They are late, and yet alive, dead and still living amongst us…                

They are the walking dead.

 They are like alive ghosts living in our world of the living ,

They are the unseen and yet seen in our daily business at work,

Infact they are the reason we're working.

They are the reason, we understand somethings, the way we do.

Like why the stone we throw up, always come down(ISAAC NEWTON)

Or that 24 years in prison doesn’t kill, but moves us closer to the purpose for such sacrifices (NELSON MANDELA)

Even that its possible to head NAFDAC and not be corrupt (DORA AKINUYLI)

These important figures are dead, yet their works and legacies would forever remain;

So we should all strive hard in this world of the living and dead, so we can leave a legacy too.

                                                                                     written and edited by likinyo tolulope
                                                                                               who is doing this for legacy reasons.

 

 

 

THE  TYPICAL (AFRICAN) NIGERIAN MOTHER.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

10:42 AM

                  According to the  oxford dictionary of  the Toluexpress edition. A Nigerian mother is defined as: a grown up woman, who expects you to know how to speak your native language wella. (because of its frequent use in Toluexpress.blogspot.com).

            A Nigerian mother is someone who would rather hear ''mama mi'' ''ye mi'' and probably''momsi mi'' than the British or American culture of mothers, who knows only ''mom'' and ''mummy''.

           she's someone, who would tell her daughter from a tender age, to always run away from boys, unless she would get pregnant and at an older age, ask why she isn't married.

            she would give you money below the standard price of a good or commodity, she needs you to buy from the market, (because she expects you to price everything).

                        

Oh! She does that a lot.

     A typical Nigerian mother would shout at the top of her voice, every time you do something wrong.(that's how she gets the house neat all the time too/scare away the croak roaches and rats).

  And when she's finally calming down, would say. 'I don’t know why you did something like that ehn, LATER YOU WOULD SAY AM SHOUTING''…

         You can't talk relationship or social life talk with her, unless you want to end up …. (hmmmmn), you can only talk about what food, you will prepare that night/what papa mi wants to eat.

       If you fall sick and you're being sent home from school, BAM! You will enjoy shege  , but she will not cease to tell you how much school work, you're missing and how you have a lot to catch up on, when you get back.

        In all of these things, we embrace her and love her better than popsi, because of her beautiful heart.

      If you find this amusing, then I believe Toluexpress has defined a Typical (African) Nigerian mother well enough for you, even to be able to have its own dictionary and quit supplying help to oxford dictionary management team.

 

                                                                                     written and edited by

                                                                                   Likinyo tolulope

                                                                        a-soon-to-be-Nigerian-Mother.

 

 

Photo credit:ofilispeaks

MY SINGLE STORY ABOUT OMO ODO (HOUSE HELPS).

Friday, February 20, 2015

4:41 PM

                    As a little girl, while growing up, I had lots and lots of omo odo (house helps) and as you can guess, lots and lots of movie scenes, which warranted their being sent away.

            Their was one, who made me lie against my brother; about spoiling the fridge, when she did and as you can probably figure out, my lie detector of a mother detected it straight away.

         Their was another, who ran away to Ibadan on her own and came back, two days later after making us go to police stations to mingle heads with the: not-to-be-mingled-with kind of heads and also making popsi say ''turn around'', ''change your style'', ''another style'' to be sure nothing evil happened to her, on the road, which made mumsi very upset.

         Even the hilarious one, who liked to roll paper in the shape of a cigarette and smoke with it.

          Oh! There was also a patience, who said, she was a witch and was sent to us, but couldn’t harm us at night, because of ina olorun (fire of God).

P.S : BAM! Mummy sent her away that night.  (I think she flew off with her broomstick)

          So  after all these short clips and book excerpts from my life, I have a single story about house helps.

     -they are all from cotonou, Togo (are they poor over there???)

     -they never last up to a year.

     -they always have an influence on the household one way or the other.

Let me apologize before the last one and write it in Yoruba, so that not everybody will understand.

     -omo aje ni won.

And with these write up, I upload my first video and I warn; please make sure you have a strong heart before you watch.

Always have a camera hidden somewhere, in your house.

                                                                                                written and experienced by

                                                                                                     likinyo tolulope.

                                                                                          who probably hates house helps.

RELIGION'S NEXT TOP MODEL.             

Wednesday, February 18, 2015                              

11:17 PM

 

    It is funny really, how some particular breed of people  have to kill, slaughter and murder beautiful, young- at- heart Christians, to emphasize the complexity of their religion, to make themselves seen and known… it is really saddening,  how they have turned the whole  religion thing, into a struggle to be America's next top model.

     It is pathetic how women are stoned to death, men are beheaded and young children are slaughtered and then a silly video showing the runway walk and pictures showing the photo shoots are released, in order to threaten the peace of this world.

  So I formulated a simple theory after much observations and experiments, carried out in my lab, which involved the mixture of some CuSO₄, NO₂, KMnO₄ along with some samples of tissues from their brains, it turned  reddish-brown with this inference.

WHOEVER THREATENS AND DISTURBS THE PEACE OF OTHERS; ONLY TELL/SHOWS US HOW RESTLESS  AND DESPERATE THEY ARE; FOR PEACE, THAT THEY DESTROY THAT OF OTHERS. (confirmed present)

                                                           Written and theorized by me

                                                        P.S; I if you are a Musa, Uthman, Danladi... no vex ooh

                                                            but: diares God sha.